I admit it…I’m an imposter

Devil's Pie (photo courtesy of graur codrin)

I know you all thought I was righteous.  What with all my naseeha, and Hadith of the Day posts you probably envisioned me to be a saint.  But guess what?  I have issues.

That’s right I said it, I have major character flaws.  You could even go as far as to say i’m a sinner.  Gasp!  My lord, shut the front door.  Umm Qamar is a sinner?  Yes I am, and so are you.  So hop off your righteous pedestals for a moment and hear me out.

Yesterday I finally did it.  I told my boyfriend of 3 years that it was over.  Finite.  Now, obviously I know that dating doesn’t exist in Islam.  You’re either married or you’re not.  That’s where my sin comes in.  Take note, I’m a still a wet behind the ears, fresh off the Jahiliyah boat, revert.  Islam is not entirely new to me, as I was raised as a Muslim.  However, I did go through a tumultuous , dark phase in my life,  where I strayed dangerously from the Siratul Mustaqueem.  It’s only through His unconditional mercy, that I was able to grasp a hold of the rope of Allah.  And this time around you’re going to have to hack my hands off this rope with a pick axe to detach me from Islam.

I’ve come too far and have been through too much, to let Shaitan hold my heart captive again.  That illicit relationship I spoke of, is the remnants of a life in bondage.  I was a slave to my own desires. In truth, having a boyfriend was a small slice of the devil’s pie I once feasted on.  Shaitan really did a number on me.  He made the dunya seem so appetizing to me. I wanted none other than t0 indulge in the ephemeral fantasies of this life.

That, my brothers and sisters is why I’m qualified to advise you as I do now.  Not because I’m so knowledgeable, but because I’ve delved deep into the ugly side of life.  I know from experience that nothing is more satisfying than worshipping Allah.  So when I come on here talking that talk of how we should  restrain ourselves from loving this world too much, you all should understand that I’m speaking sincerely from the depths of my heart.

Written with love,

By Umm Qamar, a humble servant of Allah


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4 Comments on “I admit it…I’m an imposter”

  1. ajunet
    January 10, 2012 at 3:08 pm #

    Assalamu alaykum, a very bold and honest post! I love what you have to say here and how you say it. Thanks for following me too. I look forward to seeing more of what you have to say as we struggle through this dunya together.

    • ummqamarblogs
      January 10, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

      Wa Alaikum Asalaam,
      thanks so much for the encouragement sister. It’s great to come across other sisters who are supportive. I agree we should keep up with each other as we continue to strive for the deen of Allah.

  2. purpleteal
    January 12, 2012 at 1:49 pm #

    Assalamualaikum. Alhumduleallah!!! Allah is always with us, and He’s watching our every move. Im sure He’s proud of you :-).

    • ummqamarblogs
      January 12, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

      Wa alaikum as salaam! You’re right he is always with us. It honestly feels much better to do things fisibililah than to adhere to your own whims and desires.

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